Steve Smith said that he is still traumatised by the infamous 2018 ball-tampering scandal as he prepares to return to South Africa for the first time since that infamous series.
Smith was sent home, banned for a year, and sacked as captain after conspiring to alter the ball using sandpaper during the third Test in Cape Town eight years ago.
Along with Smith, his deputy David Warner, and Cameron Bancroft were both penalised as well.
Smith said that he was still haunted by memories of departing Johannesburg airport in the aftermath of the scandal, as well as a press conference in Sydney where he broke down in tears.
“I’m not a big fan of cameras … I get anxious around cameras to be honest,” he told News Corp. in an interview published Thursday.
“That was a traumatic experience in my life and when I hear the flash of a camera it makes me revisit that in a way.
“The 24-48 hours of being told by James Sutherland (then-Cricket Australia chief executive) that I was getting banned for a year. That and going through the airport in Johannesburg getting absolutely mobbed, and then flying back and doing that press conference.
“I still have little flashbacks here and there of it.”
“It was certainly a difficult period, particularly the initial period a few days after,” he said.
“The mental state I was in was not great. That’s somewhere I’d like not to get to again, but I certainly learned from that and have been able to move forward with my life.
“I’ve tried to kind of erase a lot of 2018 and what happened,” he added.
“I can’t remember a lot about the series. I’ve tried to block most of it out of my memory bank.”
Smith has continued to take abuse from opposition fans, particularly England’s Barmy Army, but said that he has become used to dealing with it.
“It’s something I’m kind of used to. I’ve copped a lot at times away from home at different venues across my career and it’s something that I take in my own stride,” he said.
“I use it as motivation to try and go out and do well and try and take a positive from it.”
